:+:_I'm tied down/

--> pieces of a jigsaw <--

One of my colleagues was telling me a story about himself when he was a teenager. In fact, a lot of our conversations have little snippets of our childhood weaving in and out.
While I listened with bemusement to his little tale, I tried conjuring up mental images in my mind about how he must have looked as a child and how he would have acted or behaved. It just made me laugh even more. It also heightened a sense of wonder that I was allowed to peer into a time in the past and piece together a sense of history that has made the present person laughing with me over a cup of coffee.
I wonder if people feel the same way when they listen to stories about how I was made to eat spoonfuls of butter as a 2 year old by my mother so that I would stop the habit of digging my fingers into the butter or when I was trying to sneak back to school after chickening out from a playing-truant-from-school attempt?
The more I listened to my colleague's stories, the more I felt that a person is so much like a book- revealing chapters and being able to re-read the pages if you missed something. It's such a private world and someone revealing his or her memory to you can sometimes be such an honour that they're sharing it with you, trusting and allowing you to understand them a bit better, even their most vulnerable bits- little hints at what makes them tick or smile or cry their eyes out.
Pieces of me- hope I make sense..

Chloe Andrina Tied_
3:24 PM

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--> Merry Christmas Everyone... <--

Chloe Andrina Tied_
3:50 AM

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--> I miss the theatre lessons. <--

The absolute freedom to interpret a character- That Hamlet isn't as deep thinking as we think he is but a loser before the play even begins..

I loved being on stage because that's when you can pretend that noone can see you and you can be as silly as you like.

The spotlight shining directly into your eyes, making you blind to the inquisitive eyes watching you.

The feeling of adrenaline rushing through you when you deliver the lines- lines previously on paper oozing with reality as you speak them.

The muck ups, the tears of frustration, the confusion, the moments of epiphany, the sympathy and maybe empathy that comes with the preparation and exploration of a character.

That I can stop being me and believe that it's possible to be as beautiful as Helen of Troy, smart as Portia or independent like Olive.

The support from everyone else who is pretending to be someone else...

Chloe Andrina Tied_
3:57 PM

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--> The Dream <--

Wow..It's as if my life has been put on hold for the past few months.

I guess that's what happens when work just takes over whatever life you have left and by the time you've reached home, there's not enough energy to get yourself psyched up to tell the whole world how exciting your day has been.. If you're lucky enough to have an exciting day, that is.

I think one of the highlights today is knowing how much my clients appreciate me. It does slightly embarrass me but at the same time, I like to know that my work doesn't go unnoticed even if my managers don't notice my performance.

During the times when I'm allowed to daydream for a mere 10 seconds, I ask myself how I even came to be here. Statistically speaking, I have defied all odds for a 'Normal' student and I'm not sure how my ex-classmates from school will react when I tell them I'm working in London. When we were 16, London was always deemed to be that magical place that was too faraway to reach except through the newspaper and television. Some of us made a pact to go to England and maybe catch a Take That concert (this was a decade ago!!) and 10 years later, here I am... and surprise surprise, I AM actually going to watch a Take That concert!!

I'm living the dream I wanted when I was 15 and I can only thank God and my family for making this happen...

Chloe Andrina Tied_
4:53 PM

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--> I'm FREEEEE!!! <--

Whew!!

Law and accounting exams are finally out of the way and I am just sooo relieved that it's all over!

Well, all over till November but still, no need to wake up, worried about how much or how little I studied.

Admittedly, it was an ugly paper. It was so mean!

And my tutor was pretty hopeless at question spotting..and I mean so hopeless to the point that all the topics we were told to ignore came up and all the topics she told us to study for didn't!!

There was a lot of irony in our tutor's nickname- Premonition Jo..

Bah Humbug! I say...

But most of us had a little farewell drinks session after the exam because we were kissing our 1000 pound bonuses (we get this if we pass all our exams in the first sitting) goodbye.

'Twas a day of both relief and sadness- relief at being exam-free but sad due to the wasted riches.. haha

I'm just going to pretend that I've passed this exam and worry about the results when they do come out in 2 months time...

Chloe Andrina Tied_
3:20 PM

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--><--

I absolutely cannot stand it when people make such a big protest over something, with a battle cry that the situation is controversial, emotional and sensitive for them. And get this, the situation happened 200 years ago...

Yes, slavery. It was a horrible thing to happen. Many innocents died a horrible death and I truly abhor the concept of slavery. But guess what? Many innocent people died in the World Wars too. In fact, my granduncle was taken and shot on the shores on Changi beach but do I go up to every Japanese and spit in their faces and tell them what a disgrace they are??? No!! Some of them weren't even responsible for it!!! So I cannot accept a demonstration of protest in the MIDDLE of a church memorial service dedicated to all the slaves and the ones who abolished slavery. Where's the respect???? What gives anyone the right to disrupt something so solemn? Apparently, the excuse is that it was an emotional moment for the protestor.. REALLY?? Was he chained or made to work in a sugar plantation in Jamaica??? I can understand if his great great grandfather says it's emotional and sensitive but this protestor? How can it be emotional for you when you've probably spent your whole life in the UK as a free man and worked and earned money as a free man? I don't see YOU getting whipped or tortured! Get over it! You curse at the Queen and Tony Blair for not apologising (for something they weren't even born to witness, let alone be responsible for..) and when this service is held as a way of an apology, you tell them they're shameless and disgusting!

Talk about the ridiculous.. You know what, let the Japanese of today beat up every American for what happened to Hiroshima and Nagasaki, let every Indian and Burmese spit on the British for years of torture under colonialism.. or let every present day Jew sue their German counterparts for emotional trauma during the Holocaust.. oh, and while we're all settling ancient scores, let the Christians and Muslims continue their senseless Holy War against each other to settle the last Holy War we had 700 years ago!! Oh, I forgot, that's already happening...

For Pete's sake, why can't we all let go of history and learn from it instead of learning to hate because of it.. It'll make this world a more peaceful place to live in.

Chloe Andrina Tied_
7:05 AM

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--> The sad fact about people <--

Sometimes people, even people I trust, do things that they or I can't explain. The things they do sometimes hurts me to the core and I don't even know why it affects me so much.

I guess it's because it's not their problem. It's me. I think too much, I analyse too much, I'm too insecure.

AND, I'm too reliant on people. Well, I shouldn't be in future.

There will come a time when I will have to learn to pick myself up and stand on my own and when people I care about don't seem to care so much or understand and even misunderstand, I have to live with it. It's just frustrating that time hasn't seem to come yet and I'm still plagued by all these niggling insecurities.

It's my life. I have to live it and stop worrying about people. Life's too short to keep thinking.

Sometimes, the best remedy is to soak myself up in a book and let the rest of the world disappear..

Chloe Andrina Tied_
12:33 PM

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